What would a depression free existence be like?

My shrink gave me homework. She does that a lot. It is one of the reasons I like going to see her. The task: describe what a depression-free like would be like. Maybe that would be a snap for you, but it was difficult for me. I’m 59 years old and I’ve been depressed most of those years. For me depression has become a habit, and maybe an addiction. I’ve been depressed for so long that I couldn’t imagine what life would be like if I was not depressed. It was like telling someone totally blind to describe what it would be like to have 20/20 vision. It may exist, but it was profoundly difficult to imagine.

Maybe, if I had a clear idea of the life I want, I would have a better chance at creating that life. To have a goal of a depression free life, isn’t it essential to have a clear idea of what that goal. It is always hard to hit a target, but it is impossible to hit a target you don’t even have. My target is to live without depression, but hitting that target is hindered by not having a target. Maybe if I knew what I wanted, maybe if I could clearly see the life I want, if I could imagine the life I want, then I could take actions, and make choices that would bring me closer to that depression free life.

Well, my homework is due tomorrow, so I had to come up with something, and I have something to turn in.

What would a depression free existence be like?

 I would be able to cope with injustice, unfairness, disappointment and misfortune. I would not want magic or luck to fix things. Coping would be all I wanted to do when facing the UNs in life.
 I would disengage from my fear of abandonment. I would not fear abandonment and know that I will be OK abandoned or not.
 Being an adaptive person would be enough for me to live a depression free contented life.
 Worry would be rare and short lived. When worry would seek my attention I would know that while I may not know how to cope at that moment, that I do have coping skills, I’ve gotten thorough stuff in the past and I can get through this now. I can accept uncertainty knowing that when it is needed a way to cope will be found.
 Conflict is uncomfortable, but I would know I can manage conflict and not worry about what other’s think.
 I would have activities that interest me, and give me a sense of completeness, or fulfillment. Examples: Painting, and writing.
 I would feel and believe I had a level of self-worth making it OK to have nice things, to pamper myself, to do things to maintain my health and appearance (not for others, but for myself).
 My good mood would always linked to my opinion of myself, and I would be in a good mood most of the time.
 When I feel insecure, or afraid, or anxious, or hurt, or rejected I will forgive myself, believe that everyone has these feelings from time to time, and If all humans have these feelings, and if I am human, then it is certain that I will have these feelings from time to time and that’s OK.
 My tendency to please would be balanced with habitual self protection safeguards.
 I would not seek to change people I have relationships with, and I’d be OK with that, knowing that the only person I can change is myself.
 I would understand the reason and merit of relationships