Worries 1962

PE.  Gym.  Physical Education.  They had mandatory

nude showering.  I was worried, never having

been nude in front of anyone since the age of 5

and that was uncomfortable, memorably uncomfortable.

Would the other boys laugh at me?  Would they have hair

down there?  Would they describe my penis to girls?

“He’s got a  teeny-weeny peenie.”  Would I be the only

one with skid marks on his tighty whities?

The mysteries of puberty

were frightening and unavoidable.

Later there were new worries.

Dodge balls aimed at the balls.  My balls.

The flinch game with the mandatory

punch of the shoulder for punishment.

I learned in 1962 that worry is anticipated

pain that doesn’t always happen, or isn’t

always as bad as one would expect.

But there were days when I should have worried more.

My Father’s Way

My father’s way to praise

is to offer criticism.

Have you thought of getting your

stomach stapled?

Have you considered taking some

life drawing classes?

People buy landscapes.  Why don’t you do that. 

Maybe then you could sell something.

Each phrase means, with deep

sincerity, “You are inferior, and I

love you enough to say so.”

The Dog's Flaw

It is not a dog eat dog world because

the dogs I know would not behave like that.

It most certainly does not rain cats and dogs,

that’s just ridiculous.  What would you do,

step in a Poodle?  And a dog day afternoon

sounds ominous IF you watched the move,

but most dogs nap around noon and after.

A three dog night is not just the name

of a singing group, but it has something to

do with cold nights in Australia.  I guess if you are

cold enough you cover yourself with a dog for warmth,

which would make a three dog night an especially

cold night indeed.  Sadly, cat’s have 9 lives which is their

main fault.  Sadly, dog’s have only one life,

and as far as I can tell, that’s really their only flaw.

My Last Dog

I wake to his cold moist nose

touching my arm.  Without words

with only that one touch I am touched

inside, touched profoundly, and I know

I’m needed.  I am loved.  My dog needs

to pee and he has learned not to pee

inside the house.  His need is a fundamental

need, it is a real need, but it is need permeated

with respect.  The truth is, I’ve never felt

more needed, more respected, I have never

felt this level of adoration.  At my age, this

may be my last dog.  This dog has a good chance

to outlive me.  It would be accurate to say

I saved the very best, for my last.

I Want

Part of me has always wanted to be a good person.
Not the part that makes good decisions, unfortunately.
I feel all conflicted.  I have a bifurcated soul -- I am not 
confused.I am not an accidentally bad person,
I'm bed on purpose.  I do not steal, or fornicate, 
unless you go to that lust in your heart part.  I am 
not cruel to animals, but a lack of faults does not
make me faultless.  A list of sins I have never committed
does not make me sinless.  Having perfection by omission
does not, in the least sense make me perfect.  My one 
and only perfection is in being perfectly selfish.  I want, want, want.

Flaubert

Human language is like a cracked kettle on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, when all the time we are longing to move the stars to pity.

--Gustave Flaubert

Dog Years

They say a dog year equal 7 human years. 

In dog years am I 434 years old, or

am I 8.8571428 years old?

I can’t figure out if I multiply

or divide.  I guess, since I am not a dog

it doesn’t matter.  I do, however, get the

urge from time to time to bay at the moon.

I’ve lost the urge to chase after car tires,

even walking has lost its allure.  I do

still enjoy a good long tummy rub.  I could

learn new tricks for an ice cream treat,

and I still love to hear you call my name.