I remember once, I paid this diet program place to help me lose weight. I was portly, not as portly as I am now, but pretty dang portly. I diligently worked their program, I drank water, ate almost nothing but salad, avoided ranch dressing, and instead used oil and vinegar, and within a few months I had lost 75 pounds. I thought, “I still feel like me. So who was that 75 pounds?” I had cured my weight problems. So I finished that program, I had my weight problem under control, and I was done, finished, successful, cured. Now I thought, I will just eat like a normal person. And I did eat like a normal person. A normal person just released from a third world prison.
Well, from looking at me now, it is pretty clear that those 75 pounds came back and brought some friends.
One of my problem with depression comes from this idea that I can pick and fix, and be done with it, and it just doesn’t work that way. I have gone to shrinks, taken the meds, faced my traumas, and learned to talk back to my self-destructive internal monologues, AND I’ve felt better. So I go off, thinking I am cured, that I have defeated depression.
What I’ve learned is that I can pick to be happy and choose NOT to be unhappy, but I can’t do it just one time, and be done with it. If I’m going to NOT be depressed and if I’m going to actually be sort of happy I have to pick and pick choose, opt for and decide moment by moment. The job is never done. I would like to coast, but I can’t. I can’t just “go with the flow” because my flow is down a drain. If I’m going to be OK I must constantly, continuously, repeatedly over and over again decide to be happy and to avoid unhappiness.
Well, from looking at me now, it is pretty clear that those 75 pounds came back and brought some friends.
One of my problem with depression comes from this idea that I can pick and fix, and be done with it, and it just doesn’t work that way. I have gone to shrinks, taken the meds, faced my traumas, and learned to talk back to my self-destructive internal monologues, AND I’ve felt better. So I go off, thinking I am cured, that I have defeated depression.
What I’ve learned is that I can pick to be happy and choose NOT to be unhappy, but I can’t do it just one time, and be done with it. If I’m going to NOT be depressed and if I’m going to actually be sort of happy I have to pick and pick choose, opt for and decide moment by moment. The job is never done. I would like to coast, but I can’t. I can’t just “go with the flow” because my flow is down a drain. If I’m going to be OK I must constantly, continuously, repeatedly over and over again decide to be happy and to avoid unhappiness.
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