Life Is Unusual

I was sort of raised to believe ordinary was bad, and that being odd, different, or eccentric. I remember once, my shrink asked me to do this little opposites game where she would say something and I would reply with the very next thing that popped into my mind. At one point in this word game she said creative, and I replied ordinary.

This shocked me, because it shows that in my mind the ordinary was everything that was not creative. I wanted and needed to stand out, to not be ordinary and the only way I could think of to not be ordinary was to be creative.

Why does it matter to me that I be out of the ordinary, different, unusual? Part of me realizes that being different, unusual, creative will also make me valuable. The stuff that is rare is valuable, right? I mean, if platinum was ordinary and common we might be building buildings out of the stuff instead of jewelry.

If diamonds were common we would spread diamonds on our drive ways.

Why would I want to be rare? Because some part of my brain is thinking that IF I was rare I would have value, and most of the time I feel worthless. Creativity is my method for trying to be valuable Creativity is my way of earning my value. Maybe it is important to believe that worth can't be earned, that is just there, that our worth comes from life, and human worth is intrinsic. That may be important to believe, and it might even be true, but it is not something I actually feel. I feel worthless, superfluous, and that I must do something to turn this around.

Why would I, why would any of us want [no need] to be valued?

Well, here I think it has something to do with evolution. Part of being alive is to have within our selves something hardwired to help us survive. It is a survival skill this being important, valued, essential, rare, precious.

Am I creative? Am I more creative than anyone else? I mean, if I'm not MORE creative than other ordinary people, then I'm as ordinary as everyone else. I think I've been delusional, and not for just a little while, but for my entire life. Being creative, or unusual does not belong to me, it belongs to life. Sometimes people tell me I am creative, a good artist, stuff like that, but it's not true. There are millions of human beings who draw better than me. Actually, I think most people would draw better than me if they had done what I've done. I have been drawing almost daily for over 55 years. I've drawn hundreds and hundreds of cartoons, painted lots of pictures. Anyone who drew as much as I have drawn would very likely be fare better at it than I am.

Life is unusual. All by itself, regardless of what we do, or do not do, we are unusual. We are special. We have value because value is just there, among all of us, within all of us.