The Perfume Inside Me

There is a story from India about a deer who, one day noticed a very enticing smell. This smell was just tantalizing, beguiling, it was a mysterious and heavenly odor that blessed the very air it invaded. Somehow, in some mysterious, inexplicable way the deer knew that if only he could locate and possess the source of this wonderful smell, then he would be happy, fulfilled, and his entire life would make sense. This fragrance was so powerfully addictive that then and there the deer committed himself to searching for the sources of this cologne.

This odor-quest sent this deer to dry desert regions, icy mountain peaks, steaming rain forests, and along pristine beaches kissed by ocean waves. The smell seemed always very close, and yet, no matter where the deer searched the source always eluded him. As the deer neared the end of his life, exhausted, weary, and defeated the deer collapsed toppling into a ravine, and as he tumbled the point on one of his antlers pierced his belly. As the deer lay breathing his last few breaths he could tell that the wonder musky scent was coming from inside his own body. The deer died realizing that what he had searched for all his life was found inside of himself and had been there all along.

The point of this little parable is that we sense that there is something wonderful within our reach, if only we could identify it, and reach out and possess it. We may feel that our life is a riddle, and every riddle has a solution, but so far the riddle of our lives has remained a cruel conundrum. There is a book popular among the gospel prosperity preachers and their following sheep called, The Secret. The title is as enticing to us, as musk is to a young buck. I would imagine that all of us believe or at least once believed that there was some sort of secret, some answer, some key that would unlock the mystery of our lives, that would flip a switch and turn us on to a wonderful, joy filled life instead of this empty sack life we are forced to endure now.

I like the deer story. I like the point that says you can seek for something outside of yourself, and what you seek was inside of yourself the entire time. I like the story and the point but a neat story and a cleaver point do not necessarily equal THE TRUTH.

I grew up spending hundreds of hours listening to sermons and lecture-based Bible Study classes (those not in THE TRUE CHURCH might call these sessions Sunday School). By the sheer excess of exposure I grew to love stories that made hermeneutical points. Cleaver wording, and modern parables with cleaver twist endings were what delighted me at some point in my childhood. As I aged, grew jaded, bitter, sullen, and, yes perhaps even a little angry, I got a little split personality problem over stuff like this. Part of me still admires a good story or cleaver wording that seems true because how could anything so cleverly worded not be true? Another part of me is just suspicious, full of doubt, ready with a sneer and snide remark, and maybe even a little prejudice, a bit predisposed to doubt and reject.

There is a cleaver quote from the movie City of Angels that is both an example and insightful. The Death Angel Seth, played by Nick Cage says:

Some things are true

whether you believe

in them or not.

This line is both cleaver and true, but it doesn’t prove anything. Obviously you can doubt something that is true, but that does not mean that believing in metaphysics, God, Area 51, or Big Foot are true. The City of Angels quote is incomplete. The quote should go:

Some things are true whether you believe in them or not. Some things are false that you fervently believe are true. Some stuff you believe is true is actually, o' wow, true. The trick is knowing what is and is not true (or what is or is not false), but there is no chances that you will be able to distinguish lies and truths from one another perfectly, and every single time.

Because I write so much, and I rarely have an opinion that I keep to myself, I have had to come to terms with the uncertainties in my life. Here is how I approach most stuff I believe and doubt: I try to have the right positions on stuff, and I proclaim those positions and beliefs with vigor, and act as if I am absolutely sure I am right, and all the while I am urging my mind to stay open and flexible and to be willing to change my mind, to tweak, adjust my beliefs, or to toss everything out and start over.