The concept, and act of Self-Validating could be important. If self-validation is important then it is important to understand what the term means. Valid, Validation, Validating, Invalid. What does the word valid mean?
When it comes to words, they rarely mean one thing only. When it comes to Valid (and all its forms) I come up with four different meanings of the word (there could be more, I’m just winging it here.)
Valid means Unexpired, as in:
“This is a valid passport.”
Valid means Justifiable, as in:
Valid means Justifiable, as in:
“That is a valid question”
Valid means Effective, as in:
Valid means Effective, as in:
“That standardized test is a valid measure of student performance.”
Valid means Logical, as in:
“That argument is perfectly valid.”
When I apply the concept of Valid to myself, I am saying, I suppose, that I’m OK. I haven’t expired, I have a justifiable right to exist, that I am effective, capable, and competent, and that my life makes sense.
These are, of course, all things I find it difficult to accept. That’s why the whole Self-Validation is so important. You know when you go to the doctor and the front desk person validates your parking, she puts a stamp on the little stub, or punches a hole in it, and she has officially declared that parking stub as valid. You don’t have the authority to validate your own parking stub.
But a Human Being is not a parking stub. We are Beings, and Beings have no need to be validated by someone else. Beings have the right, the ability, and the authority to validate ourselves.
The thing is, however, that it is easy to validate a parking stub, and it is sometimes almost impossible to validate one’s Self. Why is that?
Of course one could always fake validate yourself. You could say it, claim it, and tattoo it on your forehead, but unless you really believe you are valid, you will never actually feel valid. As it turns out, only the thoughts that seem legitimate, and genuine rather than tenuous will affect your attitudes, and ultimately your behaviors towards yourself.
So, as it turns out, unless I can proclaim myself to be a valid, genuine, fully legitimate Human Being I will continue to see myself as invalid, as a loser, I will kick my own butt, lambaste myself, and rather than feeling deserving of life, I will know in every fiber of body that God is wasting air on me. Who would have known it would take so much effort for me to be nice to myself?
Until I validate myself, nothing about me will ever be good enough.
Now I can easily identify the incidents and the perpetrators that assassinated my self-esteem, but knowing the names of all my tormentors does not undo the damage I have already experienced. If I were stabbed, identifying the knife will not eliminate the wound, and even after some healing, the scar will remain.
Most of my life I have been doing stuff and then looking around for approval. I need to be a valid human being, and I have looked for my validity in the praise and approval of other people. But no matter how much praise and approval I receive, it is never enough, because I can only feel valid, if I actually am valid, and if I am actually really and truly valid, then I’m valid regardless of the praise and approval of other people. In fact, if I am valid, then I will know I am valid even when I am criticized and condemned by others.
If I could figure out how to Validate my Self, if I could see my own worth and authenticate it, if I could accept and acknowledge my right to exist, if only I could say that I deserve to live, and that I am worthy, that I am valuable, and that I am deserving of all the love and gifts of life then I could stop working to earn a place in life, and instead just enjoy my life.
So far, I have not enjoyed much of my life. Perhaps the best argument for Self-validation is that without Self-validation, your life will be miserable. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, your validation is not supported by empirical evidence, nor can you be argued into validating yourself. Human validity is not awarded, or earned, it is taken.
There is an insurance story that may contribute to these matters. A woman comes in to an insurance office, sits down with an agent, and says, “I’m sorry, but I am going to have to drop my husbands life insurance policy.”
“Why?” asked the agent.
“I just can’t afford the payments. You see, my husband died a year ago, and I’ve been struggling to make ends meet now that I have to pay all my bills with just my meager salary. I have tried to keep up with the payments, but I just have to cut back somewhere.”
“Excuse me," said the agent. “Did you say that your husband died a year ago?”
“Yes, that’s right,” said the woman.
“Then you don’t have to pay us anything any more. In fact we have to pay you. Your husband had a very generous life insurance policy, and now that he has passed away, the policy requires us to pay you $1,750,000 dollars!”
The point of the story is this: The woman had $1,750,000, but she continued to struggle because she didn’t understand that she was wealthy. She had all this money, and yet she continued to struggling to pay when all she had to do was collect. When you validate your Self you stop paying premiums and just accept the riches of your life that have been available to you all along. Just say, “I am valid!” Name it, and claim it.
When I apply the concept of Valid to myself, I am saying, I suppose, that I’m OK. I haven’t expired, I have a justifiable right to exist, that I am effective, capable, and competent, and that my life makes sense.
These are, of course, all things I find it difficult to accept. That’s why the whole Self-Validation is so important. You know when you go to the doctor and the front desk person validates your parking, she puts a stamp on the little stub, or punches a hole in it, and she has officially declared that parking stub as valid. You don’t have the authority to validate your own parking stub.
But a Human Being is not a parking stub. We are Beings, and Beings have no need to be validated by someone else. Beings have the right, the ability, and the authority to validate ourselves.
The thing is, however, that it is easy to validate a parking stub, and it is sometimes almost impossible to validate one’s Self. Why is that?
Of course one could always fake validate yourself. You could say it, claim it, and tattoo it on your forehead, but unless you really believe you are valid, you will never actually feel valid. As it turns out, only the thoughts that seem legitimate, and genuine rather than tenuous will affect your attitudes, and ultimately your behaviors towards yourself.
So, as it turns out, unless I can proclaim myself to be a valid, genuine, fully legitimate Human Being I will continue to see myself as invalid, as a loser, I will kick my own butt, lambaste myself, and rather than feeling deserving of life, I will know in every fiber of body that God is wasting air on me. Who would have known it would take so much effort for me to be nice to myself?
Until I validate myself, nothing about me will ever be good enough.
Now I can easily identify the incidents and the perpetrators that assassinated my self-esteem, but knowing the names of all my tormentors does not undo the damage I have already experienced. If I were stabbed, identifying the knife will not eliminate the wound, and even after some healing, the scar will remain.
Most of my life I have been doing stuff and then looking around for approval. I need to be a valid human being, and I have looked for my validity in the praise and approval of other people. But no matter how much praise and approval I receive, it is never enough, because I can only feel valid, if I actually am valid, and if I am actually really and truly valid, then I’m valid regardless of the praise and approval of other people. In fact, if I am valid, then I will know I am valid even when I am criticized and condemned by others.
If I could figure out how to Validate my Self, if I could see my own worth and authenticate it, if I could accept and acknowledge my right to exist, if only I could say that I deserve to live, and that I am worthy, that I am valuable, and that I am deserving of all the love and gifts of life then I could stop working to earn a place in life, and instead just enjoy my life.
So far, I have not enjoyed much of my life. Perhaps the best argument for Self-validation is that without Self-validation, your life will be miserable. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, your validation is not supported by empirical evidence, nor can you be argued into validating yourself. Human validity is not awarded, or earned, it is taken.
There is an insurance story that may contribute to these matters. A woman comes in to an insurance office, sits down with an agent, and says, “I’m sorry, but I am going to have to drop my husbands life insurance policy.”
“Why?” asked the agent.
“I just can’t afford the payments. You see, my husband died a year ago, and I’ve been struggling to make ends meet now that I have to pay all my bills with just my meager salary. I have tried to keep up with the payments, but I just have to cut back somewhere.”
“Excuse me," said the agent. “Did you say that your husband died a year ago?”
“Yes, that’s right,” said the woman.
“Then you don’t have to pay us anything any more. In fact we have to pay you. Your husband had a very generous life insurance policy, and now that he has passed away, the policy requires us to pay you $1,750,000 dollars!”
The point of the story is this: The woman had $1,750,000, but she continued to struggle because she didn’t understand that she was wealthy. She had all this money, and yet she continued to struggling to pay when all she had to do was collect. When you validate your Self you stop paying premiums and just accept the riches of your life that have been available to you all along. Just say, “I am valid!” Name it, and claim it.
My Walter Mitty Mind by tex norman
Walter Mitty was sad,
in a funny way, and, like me,
Mitty lived in his mind
the one place where he could be
admired. The only place he
dared to admire himself,
but even then, he knew he
was only pretending
to admire himself.
How attractive it is
to be right
to be competent
to be self-validated
to be o’ so self assured.
The humor is in Mitty’s pitiful
willingness to be skilled,
knowledgeable, assured, poised
and positive in his fantasy.
We are supposed
to pity poor Mitty, but I admire his
un-admirable survival skills,
and wish when in my mind
I were toward myself half as kind.
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